Living life day by day, you would not be able to see just how quickly time passes by. It has been almost three years now since I’ve been together with my fiance. Three years of maintaining a long distance relationship. It’s hard to imagine what life would be like had we not chosen to commit ourselves to this path. To be honest, I couldn’t imagine life any other way.
Most people will find it difficult to comprehend why I’ve made this choice. Why be in a long distance relationship? The answer is actually quite simple. Nobody wants to be in a long distance relationship. We all want to be close to our partners, but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control. I can no more control the fact that my fiance does not live in Australia with me than control the sun to rise at night.
People tell me that long distance relationship do not work. They tell me that over time the relationship will fade. They tell me that long distance relationships fail because of factors like the lack of trust, lack of committment and the obvious fact that partners cannot see each other.
How can they expect me to believe it when I am living it? I have lived through three years of it all. While I do agree that most long distance relationships cannot work, I also believe that they can work if couples want it to.
I am sure there have been many talks on what makes a long distance relationship work. I cannot truly say that there is a fail-proof formula. Sometimes people have the best of intentions, they work hard on making their relationship work. But ultimately, the relationship falls apart and they cannot understand why. Truthfully, I don’t know either. I’m not sure why one relationship works and why another does not. But I am a strong believer in committment and communication. If we have these in the relationship, then all else will fall into place. But that is just my view. This formula seems to work for my fiance and I.
I’d like to believe that faith is another part of the formula in making long distance relationships work. No, I don’t mean faith in a divine being. I mean faith in your own abilities and your own belief that the relationship will work. When you begin to doubt whether the relationship will work or not, most of the time you will find it won’t work. Having faith in your committment as a couple to make your relationship work is invaluable. It also proves how confident you are of your relationship and it’s abilities to withstand obstacles.
People will continue to tell me that long distance relationships do not work. And I will continue to prove them wrong. Ultimately, there are no fail-proof formulas to ensure that long distance relationships work. As a couple, you need to find the right formula between yourselves. With that said, I believe that communication and committment sprinkled with a little faith works. It has for me.
11 Comments
August 10, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I’ve also been in a long-distance relationship. My sweetheart lives in upstate NY and I live in Florida. We’ve always lived apart and, in fact, got to know one another and fall in love long distance. We see one another every six weeks to two months, and use email and phone to keep in touch. I have no fail-safe formula either, and this week the loneliness has been difficult, but I think that willingness by both parties to stay connected is quite important for us.
August 10, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Thanks for your comment Lily. You’re more fortunate than me because you see one another every so often. I only get to see my fiance once a year. Thankfully, we’ll be getting married soon.
I know what you mean, sometimes the loneliness gets the better of you. Some days are better than others.
Thanks for sharing your story. All the best to you and your sweetheart
August 16, 2008 at 2:15 pm
wow I like the post …:) I am one of those LDR thing I live here (phils) and my fiance live in canada. million miles apart from each other .. but still works!! we still find time in reaching each other no matter how busy we are….. trusting each other would be the most and best formula to make it work… and soon Im getting married too!!…
August 18, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I’m glad you like the post. I knew there had to be more people out there who are proof that LDR do work!
And congratulations on the upcoming wedding!
February 1, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I agree LDR can definitely work, I found some great stories at http://www.waiit.com/testimonials/testimonials.php?mn=tmls you should check them out
March 3, 2009 at 8:13 am
This was a good post. I am currently in a long distant relationship with my bf of six months. We met in Seattle, and he was offered a long term temp assignment in Dallas, where he moved from. Its an excellent opportunity. It has been hard to adjust too, since I was not considered in the move, he interviewed, and took the job and moved. I was pretty much forced to go along with the decision and be “ok” with it. I am not. I hate the distance. If when I met him I knew this would happen I probably would not have gone out with him. But I am in love with him and trying to deal with it. I am not adjusting too well. Its only been a month and it royally sucks. Thanks for the post, if nothing else it helped to put into perspective.
May 28, 2009 at 3:01 am
That’s a great post! I am also in a LDR with my fiance of soon 3 1/2 years. We are brining the LD part of the relationship to a close in less than a month, as I will be moving to Germany to be with him. Thanks for being one of the optimistic advocates of a difficult situation that CAN work. All the best to you! <3
June 14, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Hey, i really like your article, i know what you mean!
I am in a long distance relationship as well, he lives in australia and i am in germany..
it is really hard to maintain this relationship, knowing that we wont see each other for 7 months, but it is still worth! just by talking on the phone,internet etc you get to know your other half so much better and its amazing how you appreciate your time together if you get to spend some weeks/months together!
i think LDRs dont work if youre not so serious about it or if you just need someone to be with you 24/7! but if you feel like you found the one person you wanna be with, and youre serious about it, you can go through a LDR successfully..
i think you gotta have a perspective tho, you cant just stay together and not know when youre gonna solve the distance problem etc…
best to you all!
August 22, 2009 at 12:56 am
I will also be in a long distance relationship soon. We are both headed to two separate colleges in a couple days. They are only 2 1/2 hours away from each other, but I am still sad because of the potentiality that our LDR wont work. We’ve been together for over 1 1/2 yrs and I just can’t think of how lonely I’m going to be not seeing him for awhile. He’s leaving tomorrow and I am trying to say goodbye to him without any tears but it seems inevitable. I love him too much. I liked your article btw.
September 1, 2009 at 5:38 am
I was with my bf for about 3 years till he moved away, we kept our LDR for about 14 months, but alas it did not work. Simply he met someone else, and I couldnt live in a LDR, its too hard, I didnt met someone else, Im single and happy, I just didnt want that kind of relationship, you can love someone else with all your heart, but people change their minds, and eventually you’ll have no choice but to move on. I root for couples that can endure this kind of thing, I could, he couldnt. But dont prove anyone else wrong. Things can happen unexpectedly, even if the LDR has been steady for an odd number of years. It can one day fall apart. Just be ready for that.
September 22, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Hello,
My long distance relationship of 5 months actually failed yesterday. She is in Texas and i am in the military in Japan. She says that she cannot handle the distance anymore, that she wants to make it work when i am home for good (9 months from now). I am honestly devestated. what do i do? should i keep holding onto hopes of re kindeling the relationship when i am home or do i try to move on and not worry about it?
I am happy that your relationship is working out congratulations. i think i just need an outsiders (womans) perspective on why it went amazing for 5 months and then within 2 days it was over?
Thank you