Lately, I’ve been bombarded with all sorts of emotions. Maybe it has to do with the anxiety of waiting for my husband…or it could be stress from work…or maybe its just PMS. Perhaps its a combination of everything. Whatever it is, it seems like one minute my mood’s up, and then it’s down, and then it’s up again. I just want some peace and quiet. I long for that place where everything is just…right.
Wouldn’t that be a nice change?
I’m honest enough with myself to realise that there are certain things missing in my life. There are things that I wished I had. But then again, don’t we all wish for things?
I wish I had a great job. It doesn’t have to pay extremely well, but just well enough to live off. I just want a job where I don’t have to wake up every morning dreading the day ahead. I don’t want a job where I have to drag my feet every day to get there. I want a job I’m passionate about.
I want a relationship where I can go to sleep every night in my husband’s arms and wake up every morning and see his face. I want to be able to see him everyday when I get home from a bad day at work. I want to do all the little things that other couples take for granted. I want to see a movie with my husband. I want to clean the dishes with him. I want to do the groceries with him. I want simple things with my husband, like a hug, a kiss, a smile. But even these things I don’t have. I hate living apart from him.
I want to be happy. Don’t we all? But it’s something I really long for. How can you be truly happy if half of you is on the other side of the world? Everything that I wish for is so small that other people wouldn’t even notice. But to me, it’s everything. How many times have I looked at other couples holding hands, walking side by side, and wished that was me and my husband?
If there is one thing in life that I truly hate, it would have to be the concept of waiting. When I was young, I hated waiting for my mum to pick me up after school. She was never on time and I hated waiting for her to come. Eventually, I just told her not to bother picking me up. Instead I walked or caught the bus home.
As I grew older, more things were added to the list of things I hate to wait for. During high school exam times, I hated waiting for exams to start. There’s usually a period of 5 to 10 minutes where you’re seated, but you can’t start yet. Those minutes were excruciating.
When my friends and I would go out, I hated waiting for them to arrive. Again, they were never on time…and eventually I stopped going out with them, too. Or anyone else for that matter.
Now, I hate waiting for the day when I’ll graduate and be free. I hate waiting for my husband to finally be by my side. I hate waiting until I can get my own place. I hate waiting until I can start living my life.
I hate this waiting game. I feel so out of control. I feel like time is wasting while I wait. I think these are and were the things I hated most about waiting around. Time is vaulable to me, and to stand around and wait for something or someone, it just feels like I’m not using the time wisely. And it makes me feel like I’m not in control.
My whole life as I know it, has consisted primarily of waiting for something or someone. The older I grow, the less and less patience I have for things that make me wait.
Good things come to those who wait.
I don’t really believe this. Do good things really come to those who wait? I don’t believe it. If you’re going to be the kind of person who sits around and waits for something good to happen, why should you even deserve it? You haven’t really done anything to earn it, so why should you be given it merely because you waited for it to come to you? I’d like to think that hard work and determination brings good things to you.
I’m weary of waiting. Especially right now, each and every day I’m just waiting for my husband to be by my side. The anxiety is unbearable. When you reflect upon it, you are literally waiting for time to pass so that whatever-it-is-you’re-waiting-for will happen. And in the mean time? What do you do during the time that you’re waiting? To be honest, I don’t think I can do anything else. All my energy is put into this…this waiting thing. I’m so tired of it all.
When will the “good things” start?
Is life merely just a waiting game?
As with all things in life, relationships will always have their good days as well as their bad days. Especially when it comes to long distance relationships. If you have been in a long distance relationship for as long as I have, or maybe even longer, you will definitely have experienced those days when nothing seems to go right. There will be days where you both are just too tired to make an effort. You both come home, you’ve had a rough day at work, or you’re simply not up to it. For whatever reason, you slip into a moment of insanity where you don’t appreciate each other. Or at least, you take your partner for granted. If you’re lucky, you’ll quickly realise the path you’re headed down and immediately steer your direction away from that path. Unfortunately, if you don’t realise it, you soon head down a path where you’ve become accustomed to taking each other for granted. At which point in time, it will be very difficult to slip out of that habit.
Today, was one of those days for my husband and I. We’ve both been under a lot of strain lately and it’s starting to seep into our relationship. My husband is trying to finalise things on his end so that he can permanently move to Australia. I’m doing my best to wait patiently (patience isn’t one of my virtues) combined with stress from other areas of my life makes it really difficult to try and balance everything. I’ve been particularly grouchy these last couple of days and my husband is feeling the brunt of it. He’s trying his best not to retaliate and making an effort to soothe me.
That was the wake up point for me, I suppose. I snapped out of my black mood when I realised that I wasn’t appreciating his efforts. I guess with long distance relationships, or with any relationships for that matter, you need to set up safety points. Sort of like a radar that alerts you to whenever you are about to cross the line of taking your partner for granted. I think that’s important. People often fall into the trap of thinking that their relationships are strong enough to withstand anything. I couldn’t agree more. However, while relationships can withstand many things, there are some things that it cannot. Like being taken for granted. No healthy relationship can withstand this. Once it is planted in a relationship, it begins to grow and fester, eroding away all the positive qualities that you’ve worked so hard to build.
In the end, if you’re taking your partner for granted, you should steer your direction away from this path. It leads to nothing but pain. Instead, you should remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. And you should let them know it, too.
It was my best friend’s big day today. And no I don’t mean his wedding day. It was his graduation today. It’s been a long journey, and at times very winding, to get to where he is today. I’m so proud of him. It’s ironic that through all the years I’ve known him, it was only until today that I finally got to meet his parents! To be honest, it was more nerve wracking meeting his parents that it was meeting my husband’s parents!
I know he thinks his parents aren’t proud of him, but from what I saw of them today, they are very proud of him. Although, I was invited as a guest to attend the ceremony, I pretty much turned out to be the photographer. But I enjoyed it very much. I’m actually quite proud to say that my photography is improving. The photos turned out quite good. I only wish we had more time to take photos.
What is it about a graduation ceremony that makes people so happy? There were smiling faces everywhere, old and young. Families and friends all dressed in their best outfits, fluttering about taking photos. The graduates, in their seemingly oversized black cloak and their cute little hats, all smiling and beaming with such intensity. You can see the pride shining in their eyes, but you can also see the relief, too. It’s as if to say, Yes I made it.
I can’t wait until my own graduation day…
